It’s the moment many facilitators and team leaders dread – the “can of worms” has been opened, and the meeting is getting tense. There’s raised voices, crossed arms and angry expressions. You can see eyerolls, smirks and shaking of heads.
This is not how you planned for the meeting to go.
It’s normal to be worried about difficult dynamics in a meeting. Conflict is never pleasant. It’s often true that there are unresolved past issues and broader tensions bubbling away under the surface that can’t be resolved in your meeting, but still have the power to derail it.
Sometimes conflict is necessary for the group to get to where it needs to go. But if conflict makes you hesitant to step in, you’re not alone, and there are ways to build your facilitator skills and leadership.
Some self-reflection, problem-solving and practical tools will help you more than crossing your fingers and hoping things go well, or pretending everything is fine when everyone in the room can see that it isn’t.
Here are 3 tips to navigate conflict in your group with courage and sensitivity.
Tip #1. Reframe your own thoughts about conflict.
Repeat after me – conflict is normal.
The legendary facilitator Joel Levin once told me, “Democracy is messy.” We’re humans, not robots. People care about different things, have different needs, and bring different experiences into the room.
If you facilitate regularly, conflict will show up at some point, and you’re going to be called on to address it. But it doesn’t mean the meeting has failed.
It is absolutely possible to continue with a successful meeting after an argument, strong emotions or a difficult discussion. Your job as the facilitator is to prepare as much as possible, stay steady when it happens, and help the group move through it.
Tip #2. Prepare before the meeting if you think conflict may arise.
All good facilitators will tell you that a big percentage of their work is preparation before a session. That goes double if you think there may be conflict in the meeting you’re about to facilitate.
Before the meeting:
- Gather information with a neutral, analytical mindset.
Who’s involved? How long has the issue been around? What else might be influencing people’s behaviour? - Speak one‑on‑one with those likely to be involved.
What do they need from this meeting? What do they think everyone needs from this meeting? Where do the needs overlap? - Consider your own readiness.
Are you the right person to facilitate? Do you feel well-rested, grounded and able to stay neutral? - Discuss your worries with someone you trust.
Ideally this will be someone who is removed from the situation, e.g. a colleague in another team, a friend, a coach or mentor. Clarify exactly what you’re worried about, why you’re worried about it, and what’s within your control.
At the start of the meeting:
- Explain your role as facilitator and let the group know there may be times when you may have to step in to keep things on track. This reduces the chance of being seen as unfair or shutting people down if you need to interrupt.
- Create group agreements or ground rules about respectful, productive conversations. If these agreements are developed collaboratively by the whole group, rather than you as facilitator imposing the rules, the group will be more likely to stick to them.
Tip #3. How to deal with conflict in the moment.
Ok, so despite your careful planning and excellent facilitation so far, things are getting tense and there’s some strong emotions in the room.
First thing to remember – you’ve got this.
What you do next depends on several factors including what the behaviour is, how many people are involved, the purpose of your meeting, and the culture of the group. For some groups, robust debates are an acceptable way to do business; other groups shut down when voices get loud. Your job is to read the room and respond accordingly.
Some actions you can take, depending on the situation:
Validate strong emotions.
People can get emotional when they care deeply about something and want it to succeed. Sometimes people are willing to participate productively and collaboratively, but they need to get something off their chest before they can proceed.
Acknowledging this can defuse the situation, help people feel heard, and continue with the conversation:
- “Thanks <name> for sharing that with us. I can see this is important to you.”
- “Thanks <name>. Sounds like there’s been a lot going on. What would you like people here to understand as we go through our discussions today?”
STOP what’s happening.
If there’s a loud argument in full swing, avoid coming across like a teacher, police officer or parent. Stay calm, caring and firm:
- “Everyone, can I remind us all about the agreement we made at the start of this session, about not raising voices.”
- “<Name> and <name>, I can see this means a lot to you both. Can we hit pause and take a moment.”
- “<Name>, I understand you’re not happy, but it’s not ok to raise your voice / call people names. We do need to talk about this, and we need to do it in a way where we don’t have raised voices / name calling.”
Work out where to from here.
Some options, depending on the situation:
- Give people the opportunity to say what’s on their mind while keeping the environment respectful. Listen for repetition and circular arguments – that’s the time to start working on a resolution, either now or out of session, so the meeting can move forward.
- Record an action item for follow-up out of session. Make sure everyone’s clear on why the issue is important and who will take it forward.
- Ask the group for advice – does this affect a lot of people? Do we need to resolve it today?
- After a difficult discussion, check if people are ready to move on – they might need a break first.
This is just the tip of the iceberg – conflict is a big issue that brings up feelings for many of us. Facilitator leadership and judgement are key elements here, and these grow over time through self-reflection, practice and a genuine wish to see your group succeed. Remember, you’ve got this!
Interested in learning more about facilitating difficult dynamics? Contact Renée about tailored facilitation training and 1 on 1 coaching.
Check out these articles for more practical tips on dealing with someone dominating the meeting and running hybrid meetings with a mix of online and in-person attendees.
Like this blog? Subscribe here to be notified about articles like this one.
