Ever wished you had one of these signs in a meeting? Here’s some effective facilitation skills to deal with it.
We’ve all been there. There’s someone in the meeting who’s taking a very long time to make their point. Or keeps jumping in and interrupting others, taking up all the space. Or keeps bringing up the same topic over and over again like a broken record (hey, remember records?!)
Whatever the case, they just won’t… stop… talking…
The clock is ticking. The agenda is running behind. You can see people getting annoyed and/or bored. This person is still talking. What can you do?
First, manage your own reaction.
None of the suggestions in this article will help if you don’t stop, pause inwardly, and take stock of your own emotions. What’s really bothering you about this person who keeps talking?
Is it because you think they’re being rude and inconsiderate of the rest of the group?
Is it because you’re worried about getting through all items on the agenda and they’re taking up time with seemingly pointless stuff?
Or is it because their nasal drone reminds you of your Great-Uncle Colm who always puts everyone to sleep at Christmas lunch with his terminally boring stories?
Image credit: Buzzfeed
When you understand why they’re bothering you, acknowledge it, then put your personal feelings to one side. It’s going to be harder to address this situation if you’re in a state of judgement, annoyance or anxiety. Easier said than done, I know, and a good reason to hire an external facilitator who has the independence and effective facilitation skills needed in these situations.
Also remind yourself of the purpose of this meeting, and do a quick check of group dynamics. Will this person’s constant talking stop the group from achieving the purpose of the meeting? Or is it causing difficult dynamics in the group? If not, then perhaps nothing needs to be done about it, no matter how much they’re annoying you.
Second, think about WHY this person keeps talking.
Don’t assume evil intent right away. We can’t read this person’s mind, but we can approach them with curiosity about where they’re coming from.
Without trying to pigeonhole anyone, psychiatrist William Glasser’s 5 Basic Needs are a good place to start when trying to guess why someone keeps talking, or interrupting others, or going off on apparent tangents.
Dr Glasser says people’s behaviour is always purposeful – it’s about them trying to get what they want.
What is it that our chatty friend wants, and what basic need are they trying to fulfil?
1. Survival – the need to feel safe and secure. Are they talking constantly because they’re feeling threatened by someone or something? Are they worried something bad will happen if they stay quiet? Are they trying to establish their place in the hierarchy?
2. Love and Belonging – the need to feel connected to others. Are they trying to build relationships with the others in the meeting? Are they eager to help? Are they keen to show they belong here because they have lots to contribute?
3. Power – the need to matter, make a difference, achieve, be competent, recognised and respected, including self-esteem and the desire to leave a legacy. Are they concerned that XYZ is vital to a good result but no one’s listening, so they keep bringing up XYZ repeatedly? Are they trying to show how much they know about something?
4. Freedom – the need for choice, autonomy, reduced restrictions, independence and creativity. Are they continually interrupting because they’re worried that decisions are being made as the conversation unfolds, and they’ll be locked into something if they don’t speak up? Are they constantly jumping in because they’re trying to present options that they think others haven’t considered?
5. Fun – the need for humour, play and relaxation. Is this person trying to lighten the mood? Are they the joker of the group? Are they trying to inject some fun and personality into the discussion?
Third, try some of these effective facilitation skills.
Once you’ve run through the above scenarios in your head, approach the person with curiosity. Acknowledge the topic is important to them, then try and find out where they’re coming from and how it’s relevant to the purpose of the meeting.
“I can see XYZ is important to you, Lana – how do you think it fits in with the purpose of our discussion today?”
“You’ve mentioned XYZ a few times, Archer – is there something specific you feel we’re missing about this topic?”
“Pam, can I stop you for a moment – I can see you’ve got some things to say about XYZ. Can we hear from Cyril first just because he’s already started talking, then we’ll come back to you. Thanks.”
This is not just lip service – you have to genuinely mean it. None of these phrases will be useful if there’s any hint of judgement or dismissal in your tone or body language, as the other person will easily pick up on it. Be mindful of your place in the power structure as well.
This is where you’ll be glad of an independent facilitator, who wants your group to succeed and your meeting to produce an outcome, but isn’t caught up in group dynamics and isn’t personally invested in the content of the decisions.
However, for those tricky on-the-spot situations with a chatty meeting attendee, this 3-step process should help you get your group get back on track.
With thanks to my friend Judy Warner, psychologist, for introducing me to the 5 Basic Needs, and friend and coach Sarah Nortonfor her wise advice.
Got a Chatty Cathy or Talky Tarquin in your group? Book a free 30 min call with Renée to find out how I can help with facilitating efficient and productive discussions.
Considering an independent meeting facilitator? Read about our facilitation services and team reconnection sessions.
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